My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
