dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You need Xanax blowdarts
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize