i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
