and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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