I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
