I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
