it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Less talking, more tequila
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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