laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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