Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
