btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
