thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
