If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
