Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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