Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
