i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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