He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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