you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found the puke drawer
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize