Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
