Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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