Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
