Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
