What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize