He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
