When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize