Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize