did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
