I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
