The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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