My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize