the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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