So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize