you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
