Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
