no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize