Dual....:-)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
