Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
