He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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