I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was like eating out sand paper
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
