My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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