Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
