He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
