Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
