totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
