First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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