So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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