carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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