if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
