Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
