soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
