It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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