how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
