I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
