this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
