how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
