He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize