I am in a vortex of obligation.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
