I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
