My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
