No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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