So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
