my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
