Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize