just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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