I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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