i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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