And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize