yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
