I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
