I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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