just tell him i said nine months
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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