Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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