I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My hand turned me down
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
