3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
