so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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