I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
