well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
