Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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