My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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