I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
