I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
