hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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