i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
