There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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