Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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