3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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