Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
