I'll bet she douches with gravy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
