But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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