I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
