toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
40s are totally the cure
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
