my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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