how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
