once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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