I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
