You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
