You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize