Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
