i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's rum buckets o'clock
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There are leaves in my underwear?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
