like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
