i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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