Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
